When I was asked to write a personal testimony for this web page I wasn’t sure I could do it. As I thought about what I would say the words started pouring out on paper. I’ve shortened it as much as possible.
Robbie and I have been married for 16 years, this past June. Neither one of us knew the road we would have to go down to get to where we are now. Our lives from day one were filled with problems. I was a drug addict when we married. Of course I didn’t view my life at the time like that, but now I can see it.
Robbie had a very bad temper and we fought everyday. I was addicted to pills and smoked Marijuana and I was also a heavy drinker. I was only able to function if I was high and I was quite good at it.
After 7 years and a lot of fighting, Robbie started using drugs. We started using cocaine and speed. I had a teenage son who at the age of 12 started using drugs but I didn’t find out until he turned 16.
Our lives took a direction that none of us expected. I was called to apply for a job working at the Department of Transportation in Cobb County. I had the experience and they were looking for someone with my qualifications. They hired me in August, 1991; we were making so much money at that time that our drug habit also increased. We built a home and I furnished it with everything brand new. We bought a big screen TV and had racing parties every weekend.
My son was losing control because of the drug abuse, I was so wrapped up in my own habit that I couldn’t see what my part in all this was. I thought he was the one having the problem and not me because I was functioning. I sent him to a drug treatment center in Colorado, a wilderness treatment, just before he turned 18. I never saw that the life I was leading was the problem. I thought sending him to Colorado would be the magical solution.
He came back and within one week of returning he was back using. He started hanging with his old friends and went right back into that life style. About 3 months after he returned he was involved in a car accident where this old man pulled out in front of him and he ended up dying while Eddie was holding his hand.
He said he prayed and asked God to help him. He told God he would give up his life and serve Him. The old man ended up living for three more days and finally died. It changed Eddie he started reading the bible. He started telling me about Jesus and I felt offended and told him I knew God. That my relationship was personal and it was my business.
For 3 years Eddie studied and walked with Jesus. I saw a change in him. He started to teach me to read the bible and how to pray, all the while still holding on to my habit, that was really my god. I had started doing drugs when I was about 8 or 9. I would steal pills from my mom’s pill cabinet and sneak her alcohol.
I had been sexually abused when I was younger. There weren’t therapy or group classes to attend. I just dealt with it the best I could. I was in so much pain and I did what ever it took to feel better until I became numb to everything. Now I know why it’s called a habit. It's something you do everyday until it just becomes part of your life.
I’d worked four in half years at the county when they started drug testing, I quit. I sold my ford bronco and paid my credit cards off. Robbie decided to sell out and we sold our new home and moved back into our trailer with the plans of rebuilding with the money we would make off selling our home. Things became very tense with Eddie at home we started arguing all the time and he ended up moving out.
About three weeks after that Robbie came into our bedroom and took a bowl of strawberries, I had been eating, out of my hand. He just stared at me, He said, “They found Eddie!” My eyes widened, "found Eddie!" And then he said, “He’s dead.” At that moment my world stopped revolving. I fell to the bed and started crying.
Days after the funeral was over I was sitting at home, numb. I didn’t want any more calls I just wanted to be left alone. My world as I knew it was turned upside down. I didn’t know what to do I was so confused it felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart and it stopped functioning. I couldn’t drive my car, I couldn’t focus. Through out the following weeks my thoughts turned to suicide. I was in so much pain that even the drugs and alcohol weren’t helping.
It was at this time I looked up to the only thing I knew to do. I started asking, begging God to help me, I was so lost. I’d remembered how Eddie told me to pray before I started reading the bible. I started to read out of desperation, I’d read about a spirit of truth and I asked Him for it. I read the New Testament 3 times. I pressed into His word as hard as I could, examined every passage with purpose; I had to find this truth. Sometimes I would read for 16 hours a day. I would wake up at night and would read at 2 in the morning I couldn’t get enough.
One night Robbie got up mad and told me I was getting carried away. I told him that while we were doing drugs, staying up for 3 days partying that was ok. But now, I was getting carried away. I told him he needed to leave and that I wanted a divorce. The next day he left. During that time, eight months, of intense studying I read the Old Testament, everything started too made sense. Everything became so clear. Why Jesus came and why He had to die. I lost 30 pounds and dropped four dress sizes. I didn’t care about food I was being fed a new food.
My life changed the moment I found out that God was real. That He was looking at me. There was this overwhelming love I was feeling. He had reached down and touched my life and I will forever be changed. During that time Robbie started going to church and eventually he moved back in. The shock of losing Eddie somehow woke me up.
God changed my desires and I have been drug free for nearly five years now. Robbie and I are very happy we renewed our married vows to God. He has opened his own business with our friend and partner Mike Powell. I owe Jesus my life for the sacrifice He made so I could be forgiven and freed from this sin that had been choking my life, but I know now. I see , He had to come for me or I would have died in my grief and shame, my depression was killing me. He simply kept saying choose life and I did.
I started trusting in Him. It was like I grabbed His hand and He started leading me out of the darkness into this marvel less light. I have a new life now forever changed. That old person died five years ago. There are people and friends who told me, that what ever I needed to believe in that was making me better that it was ok what ever it took. I have believed in lies all my life and trust me, lies never changed anything for me. There is no life in lies. As if you could believe in a lie and it would make you feel better, and change your life for the better.
Lies can’t change anything for the better. The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy and he doses it by lying. I know Eddie is safe with Jesus and I will see him again. Jesus is my hope, my salvation. He is what makes me complete. I tried for so many years on my own to stop doing drugs and nothing worked. Jesus took my broken life and changed it and within six months of my encounter with Him I became drug free. He changed my desires and He became my life. I fell in love with Him heart, soul, body, and mind.
This is something that I willingly do, although it’s the greatest commandment and the first. He allows me to come into His presence. He answers my prayers. Robbie and I go to the Paulding County Youth Detention Center and have been for four years now. We share our lives with these kids and tell them about Jesus. Some listen and we can see their lives start to change. It’s not a magic word, it's faith in believing with all your heart. Making a commitment and then going toward His direction.
Many of my friends and some of our family don’t know of the life we were living. I am writing in hopes of reaching people who are in the same place I was. There are a lot people who are raising children who think their lives aren’t affecting them. Children do what they see their parents doing not what they say; I had to learn the hard way.
If you think you can live one way and they will live another you’re only fooling yourself. I now know time revels everything even the hidden things. Our heart is to start a home for kids who have lost their way. And I know with God all things are possible. God’s Word says the truth will set you free, I understand what that means now.
May God bless you with His truth…. For His truth will never change, you can count on that.
|Susan Dobson is a member of the Property of Jesus Christ Ministries. They go into the Paulding County Detention Center to minister to the youth incarcerated there. You can E-mail her at email@example.com to let her know how much her testimony meant to you or contact her for ministering to your own youth group. Song playing is "God Will Make This Trial a Blessing" by Mike Bailey of Bethel Sound.|
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